I'm the last person you want to read to in a brief moment of personal triumph. I'm the fog that boils in over the mountains. I'm the cold, chill that creeps into your skin and saturates the marrow - I'm a damp dreary night. I'm a sarcastic bitter critic of all things warm, kind, clean, light and easy. I'm a nightmare that your mother woke up from in a sweat but in her fear forgot by the morning. I'm a fucker and louse, a burr. A stingy stinking itch that festers and burns in your ass and makes you feel ugly, so ugly you can't even touch yourself. I'll make you feel nasty and dirty and wretched. I'll force you to consider what you've avoided, what you denied in utter disgust.

I'm that disgusting. I'm that low. I'm that base. I'm that disgusted with all that you value and all that you profess to be meaningful and wholesome or real.

Yours truly,

I'm a bitch and a bastard. I'm an empty vessel for Jesus's revenge and his angst. I'm everything he left out of the New Testament. The jealousy, the bitterness, the hatred, the fear, the anger, the rampage. I'm all things hateful and ugly and painful and gross. I'm nothing happy or meaningful open or fun.

I won't be here to make you happy or see the world in a new way. I won't help you get in touch with anything or open you to any new experiences. You won't come away knowing the names of exotic flowers or plants, see the northern lights or feel the earth quiver - unless the earth quakes while you're reading and then you can attribute it to your own bad luck, karma, mysticism or lack of foresight.

You could perhaps kill yourself or take another's life. You could overdose on pills or heroin. You could wipe your ass or prophesize to the moon. I'll respect you less, despite any attempt to reconcile or prove your worth. You mean nothing to me and less to history. You'll all most likely, as will I die hopeless, painfully, anonymous, devoid of any real worth and unhappy. Everything you worked for, lived for, valued will be old and tattered, broken, meaningless, dead, soured, hateful or just gone. You'll fade quickly without notice. All your thrashing about for attention will pass like moths against a glass in the dark - annoying, a dull dusty thud, wasted and stupid. All the accomplishments you struggle to achieve will go without recognition or impact. That will be that.

Let's start there and see where we can get before you lose my attention all together…